INVESTING IN MARRIAGE

GOD STORY #3

 By Tim Bucey, volunteer reporter

Kalen Howell seems to be the easy-going, soft-spoken type.

“I can’t stand conflicts,” he said.

But he and his wife of nearly 10 years, Brenda, were having problems that led to yelling that might even be described as screaming.

They both realized they needed help. Kalen had heard about the Nehemiah Foundation supported-Marriage Resource Center of the Miami Valley so one day after work he stopped into their offices at 616 North Limestone Street in Springfield.

They were told the staff and volunteers could help couples like them, couples on the verge of divorce or couple who had a strong relationship but wanted to make it even better.  The center also offers pre-marital counseling.

For nine hours one Saturday, the Howells went through the class.  They were then given the option of spending time over the next two months with a mentor couple who would coach them to use the tools they learned in the class. The Howells accepted the offer.

The result?  For one, Kalen said he has less stress.

“We discuss certain things rather than let things build up to the point that we have an explosion.  I think that’s a good word,” he said.

There were explosions?

Brenda laughed at the question. “Oh yeah…yeah. But we try not to think about it now.”

What they were given in the classes and mentoring sessions were tools that they use to communicate in a calm, rational manner. The tools, Kalen said, taught them how to communicate over day-to-day matters and heart-to-heart issues that are sometimes difficult to talk about.

“We gained an understanding of how to talk together and really get down to those issues in a non-threatening way. It has definitely been an improvement for us. It has helped us in our marriage,” he said.

They’re using the tools in communicating with their children – girls ages 13 and 12 and a boy eight.

Kalen learned that conflicts are part of a marriage, they’re not unusual, but it’s how you deal with them that make the difference.

“I stay away from conflicts, but I think one of the things the tools from the Marriage Resource Center gave me was the ability to deal with issues – and I have alternative ways to do that – vs. just fleeing,” he said.

While the children haven’t said they are aware of the change in their parents, they have noticed a change in the kids. They see the kids talking about certain things they wouldn’t have in the past. Kalen and Brenda say they are more apt to discuss issues in front of the children now, knowing it won’t erupt into a shouting match.

They both believe there will be long-term benefits for their children.

“I think it’s important that the kids see us working through our problems and issues, because if they don’t when they become adults they won’t know how to deal with issues,” Kalen said.

They describe the time an effort they took in dealing with their problems as an “investment.”

“A lot of people don’t think of a marriage as an investment.  They are just riding that raft wherever it goes and then everybody is in kind of a reaction mode.  But it’s an investment in your marriage and in your family,” Kalen said.

The Center sites statistics which show that 97 percent of couples who have pre-marital counseling are together at least 10 years, which is far above the average.  Another three percent decide not to get married, likely avoiding divorce down the road.

The Howells were so successful that they were asked to becoming a mentor couple. They took the training sessions and are coaching their first couple.  Kalen said he thinks it helps to have been on the other side of the table in the mentoring process.  They don’t come across as being experts.

“We don’t tell them what to do,” Brenda said.  “We let them know what has worked for us and then we go over the tools with them.”

They recommend the program to friends who are having marital problems, but also to others who just want to strengthen their marriage.

Barb Dotson, Marriage Resource Center director, said the experience of the Howells reminds her of the Bible verse 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, which reads: “Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

So where do Kalen and Brenda think their marriage would be without the Marriage Resource Center?

“I wouldn’t say we’d be divorced because we went into our marriage knowing that divorce is not an option.  I think it’s a lot more peaceful,” she said.

Kalen nodded his head approvingly.

BLESSINGS OF A PRAYER GIVER

God Story #2

By Tim Bucey, volunteer reporter

Sometimes, and often times, the person lifting up a prayer for another receives a blessing in return. Call it a win-win situation.

Deb Patton is director of Community Connections for the High Street Church of the Nazarene. Her role as an employee of both the church and the Nehemiah Foundation is to get people in her congregation to volunteer for Nehemiah-funded ministries.

To find out what the needs of those ministries are, she talked to the leaders – or Street Saints – to find out what roles various people in the congregation could play.

One of those “saints” was Jackie Mounts, director of the H.O.P.E. program. The program description reads: “Referred by the Juvenile Court, youth are challenged to examine the spiritual aspect of their lives and begin to understand that God loves them. Youth learn to connect with people who genuinely care about them.”

Jackie’s request and that of her assistant, Tony Yoakem, to Deb was simple: They needed people to pray for specific kids who were in the H.O.P.E. program.

“I just tried to put something together and presented it to our senior adults and they just snatched it right up,” Deb said.

One of those who did was Barbara Stanfill.

She along with the others made bookmarks that had photographs of their child and some pertinent information.

Barbara said it appealed to her because most of her family and seven grandchildren are scattered around the world and she seldom sees them. The fact she wouldn’t personally see the young lady to which she was assigned didn’t matter.

Barbara wrote in one of her letters to the young lady that she was being included in the prayers along with her grandchildren.

The only requirement of the prayer givers was that they pray daily for their child. They were not asked to meet with them, counsel them or even talk on the phone. God was to be the messenger.

There are 24 boys and girls involved.

“It’s worked out better than I expected,” Deb said. “I thought, initially, it would just be prayer support but the folks at our church have kind of taken it the next step. They send cards and some send gifts at Christmas or on birthdays.”

They expect nothing in return. A few of the recipients have sent thank you notes, but Barbara received more than that – she received the response she’d be hoping to get.

One day in her mailbox last February was a full-page handwritten letter to “Granny B” as the girl referred to her.

“That letter I got was really an answer to prayer because I had been feeling a real need to know if I was doing any good. It was a real spiritual thing for me that she sent it,” Barbara said.

The letter, she said, gave her an insight into the girl’s life. For one, she has drawn some designs on it giving Barbara the impression she had artistic talent.

The girl told Barbara how much she liked the Valentines Day gift. Problem is Barbara doesn’t remember what she sent.  

But most of all the letter provided insight into what her child needed.

“She’s a precious young lady who really needs love and attention. I feel like she has made progress spiritually. She was saying she wanted to be in the H.O.P.E. program,” Barbara said.

Most young participants leave the program after one year and a new group of youngsters will be paired up with a prayer giver for the next school year. An exception was made for Barbara and her child.

Deb talked to Jackie about keeping the two together.

Because of that conversation, they are going to keep that relationship ongoing,” Deb said.

(You can contact Jackie Mounts about the H.O.P.E. program by phoning 342-2215 or Deb Patton by phoning the church at 325-5140).

WHERE REAL HEALING BEGINS

God Story #1

Lewis Stump was in the hospital waiting to have an operation that would remove blockage from at least two arteries leading to his heart. X-rays had proven the need for the procedure.

Prior to undergoing the knife, another x-ray was taken. The doctor thought he was seeing things … or shall we say not seeing things.

 The blockages were gone.

 “Have you been praying?” the doctor reportedly asked Lewis.

 Well, yes, he had, and so had other people.

 It’s another “God story” of which so many go untold or not widely circulated.

Lewis and his wife of 22 years, Donna, have been attending The Fountain of Life Christian Assembly at Urban Light Ministries under the direction of Eli and Judy Williams.

 So what happened to the blockage?

Lewis knew and he told the doctor. Pointing upwards toward the heavens, he said, “I know why. I said ‘God took them away’. Phtt. It went away.”

 One of his first calls was to Eli to say thanks. For what, Eli asked.

“You prayed for me and no more blockage,” Lewis responded.

 Don’t thank me, Eli told him, it was God who did it.

 “I believe the Lord healed him. Answered our prayers,” Eli says now.

 Lewis has occasional chest pains that occur when he encounters a stressful situation.  But he no longer drinks, does drugs and only takes an occasional smoke for which he’s admonished by his two-year-old nephew Matthew. He has instead begun telling people he encounters on the street about God.

He’s being delivered from a life that included foster homes, drugs and drinking. He and Donna praise God for The Fountain. They were introduced to the church when they arrived early for the Urban Light Ministries Sunday afternoon dinner about one year ago. Judy Williams invited them to the service.

 They started heading the other way. They had been to other local churches but didn’t feel they fit in. Their sometimes disheveled look made them stand out elsewhere.

 “I felt welcome here. I didn’t want to come at first,” Lewis said.

 “This church is a whole lot different than all the other churches I went to,” said Donna. “When I came here, my life changed.”

 Eli said that is the goal of The Fountain and people like the Stumps are their target.

When told what the Stumps had said about the church, Eli said, “Praise God. They do represent our target. Pretty much that’s the bulls-eye. That is what we set out to do – create a worship environment where everyone feels welcome.”

 To show their appreciation, the Stumps bought an American flag at a carnival they went to on Selma Road and gave to Eli and Judy.

 “We were very touched by it. They just wanted to express their appreciation for having a pastor and a church where they feel that they belong,” Eli said.

 And one where healing takes place.

(Services at The Fountain are Sunday School at 11:30 a.m., church 1 p.m. and meal 3 p.m. Wednesday evening Bible study is at 7 p.m. The Stumps are faithful attenders).